This Scepter’d Isle

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Death_of_Nelson.jpg

English history as reported by American schoolchildren in 1887, from Caroline Bigelow Le Row, English as She Is Taught: Genuine Answers to Examination Questions in Our Public Schools:

  • “England was named by the Angels.”
  • “The Celts were driven out of England into Whales.”
  • “Julius Caesar invaded England 400 years B.C. The English condition was in a rude state.”
  • “The Brittains were the Saxons who entered England in 1492 under Julius Caesar.”
  • “The Britains conquered Julius Caesar and drove him ignominiously from his dominions.”
  • “The Britons founded the Druids. They ust to hold religious services out of doors.”
  • “The Druids were supposed to be Roman Catholicks.”
  • “The Crusaders were fanatics who fought in tournaments.”
  • “The Habeas Corpus Act said that a body whether alive or dead could be produced in court.”
  • “Alfred the Great reigned 872 years. He was distinguished for letting some buckwheat cakes burn and the lady scolded him.”
  • “Rufus was named William on account of his red hair. He established the curfew fire bell.”
  • “William the Conqueror was the first of the Mormons.”
  • “Edward the black Prince was famous for founding chivalry.”
  • “Chivalry is a fight on horseback between two horsemen in an open plain.”
  • “A night errant is a man who goes around in the night in search of adventures.”
  • “The Middle Ages come in between antiquity and posterity.”
  • “The War of the Roses was between the white and the red.”
  • “Henry Eight was famous for being a great widower having lost several wives.”
  • “Lady Jane Grey studied Greek and Latin and was beheaded after a few days.”
  • “Queen Mary married the Dolphin.”
  • “Elizabeth was called the Virgin queen because of her many accomplishments and she had a great many fine dresses.”
  • “The unfortunate Charles First was executed and after he was beheaded he held it up exclaiming Behold the head of a trater!”
  • “Cromwell was only a parallel with Bonaparte.”
  • “Queen Victoria was the 4th son of George Third the Duke of Kent.”
  • “John Bright is noted for an incurable disease.”
  • “Lord James Gordon Bennett instigated the Gordon Riots.”