Pianissimo

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Jane Austen is to me the greatest wonder amongst novel writers. I do not mean that she is the greatest novel writer, but she seems to me the greatest wonder. Imagine, if you were to instruct an author or an authoress to write a novel under the limitations within which Jane Austen writes! Supposing you were to say, ‘Now, you must write a novel, but you must have no heroes or heroines in the accepted sense of the word. You may have naval officers, but they must always be on leave or on land, never on active service. You must have no striking villains; you may have a mild rake, but keep him well in the background, and if you are really going to produce something detestable, it must be so because of its small meannesses, as, for instance, the detestable Aunt Norris in ‘Mansfield Park’; you must have no very exciting plot; you must have no thrilling adventures; a sprained ankle on a country walk is allowable, but you must not go much beyond this. You must have no moving descriptions of scenery; you must work without the help of all these; and as to passion, there must be none of it. You may, of course, have love, but it must be so carefully handled that very often it seems to get little above the temperature of liking. With all those limitations you are to write, not only one novel, but several, which, not merely by popular appreciation, but by the common consent of the greatest critics, the greatest literary minds of the generations which succeed you, shall be classed among the first rank of the novels written in your language in your country.’ Of course, it is possible to say that Jane Austen achieves this, though her materials are so slight because her art is so great. Perhaps, however, so long as the materials are those of human nature, they are not slight.

— Viscount Grey of Fallodon, Fallodon Papers, 1926

The Napkin Folding Problem

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Image: Wikimedia Commons

Is it possible to fold a square napkin so that its perimeter increases? This beautifully simple question has attracted sustained attention since Soviet mathematician Vladimir Arnold first posed it in 1956. If each fold must include all layers, then the answer is no: The perimeter of a folded unit square will never exceed 4. In 1997 American physicist Robert J. Lang showed that the perimeter can be increased if certain sophisticated origami techniques are permitted, but in Lang’s solution the panels and folds don’t remain strictly rigid during intermediate steps. It wasn’t until 2004 that A. Tarasov managed to show that the task can be accomplished within the constraints of “rigid origami.” This satisfies the original problem, but some variants of the challenge remain unresolved within the complex world of paper folding.

Tenterhooks

[Samuel] Rogers met Lord Dudley at one of the foreign watering-places, and began in his vain way, ‘What a terrible thing it is how one’s fame pursues one, and that one can never get away from one’s own identity! Now I sat by a lady the other night, and she began, ‘I feel sure you must be Mr. Rogers.’ — ‘And were you?’ said Lord Dudley.

— Augustus Hare, The Story of My Life, 1896

Rough Crossing

Notable expressions of dismay made by Panurge during a tempest at sea in Gargantua and Pantagruel:

Ughughbubbubughsh!
Augkukshw!
Bgshwogrbuh!
Abubububugh!
Bububbububbubu! boo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Ubbubbughschwug!
Ubbubbugshwuplk!
ubbubbubbughshw
bubbubughshwtzrkagh!
Alas, alas! ubbubbubbugh! bobobobobo! bubububuss!
Ubbubbughsh! Grrrshwappughbrdub!
Bubububbugh! boo-hoo-hoo!
Ubbubbubbugh! Grrwh! Upchksvomitchbg!
Ububbubgrshlouwhftrz!
Ubbubbububugh! ugg! ugg!
Ubbubbubbugh! Boo-hoo-hoo!

“My personal favorite, however, is the incredible-sounding ‘Wagh, a-grups-grrshwahw!’,” writes wordplay enthusiast Trip Payne. “Aside from its logological interest (eight consecutive consonants, albeit divided by a hyphen), the word simply does not sound anything like a wail could possibly sound. The ingenuity of Panurge to come up with such a fresh-sounding, imaginative exclamation — particularly under such pressure — is awe-inspiring.” (All these expressions are from Jacques Leclercq’s 1936 translation.)

(Trip Payne, “‘Alas, Alack!’ Revisited,” Word Ways 22:1 [February 1989], 34-35.)

Branch Manager

A puzzle from The Book of the Thousand Nights and One Night:

“Solve the following problem if you can: a flock of pigeons alighted upon a tree, some perching upon the upper branches and some upon the lower; those upon the upper branches said to those upon the lower: ‘If one of you flies up to us our number will be double yours; if one of us flies down to you, our numbers will be equal.'”

How large was the flock?

Click for Answer

A Long Sleep

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Image: Wikimedia Commons

In 1999, archaeologists made a stunning find near the summit of a stratovolcano on the Argentina–Chile border. Three Inca children, sacrificed in a religious ritual 500 years earlier, had been preserved immaculately in the small chamber in which they had been left to die. Due to the dryness and low temperature of the mountainside, the bodies had frozen before they could dehydrate, making them “the best-preserved Inca mummies ever found.” Even the hairs on their arms were intact; one of the hearts still contained frozen blood.

Known as the Children of Llullaillaco, they’re on display today at the Museum of High Altitude Archaeology in Salta.

Overheard

In 1957, a runaway cow in Guildford knocked down a man on a pedestrian crossing. At trial, the defendant’s counsel argued that the owner of a tame animal was not liable for damage it did that was “foreign to its species.” Since a cow was undoubtedly tame, he would seek to prove that “the cow attacked the plaintiff; if that were so, there was no liability.” This was followed by a memorable exchange:

His Lordship: Is one to abandon every vestige of common sense in approaching this matter?

Counsel: Yes, my Lord.

The hearing was adjourned, and the court eventually decided for the defendant.

Urban Renewal

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Image: Wikimedia Commons

In 2007, during a construction project at 39 Avenue George V in Paris, artist Pierre Delavie draped the site in a scaffolding tarpaulin of 2,500 square meters printed with a distorted image of the site’s former structure. Crows and cornices of polystyrene were even added to complete the effect. When the work was finished, pieces of the trompe-l’œil drapery were sold at auction.

More photos.

Unquote

“Tradition means giving votes to the most obscure of all classes — our ancestors. It is the democracy of the dead. Tradition refuses to submit to the small and arrogant oligarchy of those who merely happen to be walking around.” — G.K. Chesterton