temulence
n. drunkenness
Author: Greg Ross
Unquote
“Time makes more converts than reason.” — Thomas Paine
The Mummy of Birchin Bower
Terrified of being buried alive, Hannah Beswick left a bequest to her family physician, Charles White, on condition that she be kept above ground for 100 years. So when she died in 1758, White added her embalmed corpse to his collection of anatomical preparations, and every day he and two witnesses raised the veil and confirmed that she was indeed dead.
But 100 years is a long time, and the observations passed from reverent to perfunctory and finally absurd. The doctor eventually stored the mummy in an old grandfather clock, whose face he would open once a year to check on the patient, and when he died Miss Beswick was actually put on display in the entrance hall of the Manchester Natural History Museum, from which, wrote Edith Sitwell, the “cold dark shadow of her mummy hung over Manchester in the middle of the eighteenth century.”
Only in 1868, 110 years after her death, did the secretary of state issue an order for Hannah’s burial, and she was interred in an unmarked grave. Perhaps by that time she was glad of the rest.
See also My Dearly Departed.
Civic-Minded
COMMUNICATORIALLY contains COMMUNITY, COUNTRY, COUNTY, and CITY, each in the proper order.
The Stars Align
R.I.P.
Conclusion of an epitaph on a tombstone in eastern Tennessee:
She lived a life of virtue, and died of cholera morbus, caused by eating green fruit, in the full hope of a blessed immortality, at the early age of twenty-one years, seven months, and sixteen days. Reader, go thou and do likewise.
From Epitaphiana: or, The Curiosities of Churchyard Literature, 1873.
Try, Try Again
Inventions submitted to the U.K. Patent Office by Arthur Paul Pedrick, 1962-1976:
- “Reducing the Tendency of a Golf Ball to Slice or Hook by Electrostatic Forces”
- “Speed-of-Light-Regulated Clock”
- “Internally Explosive Nail”
- “Automobiles Driven From the Back Seat”
- “Using Warning Lights to Prevent Motorists Bashing Into and Killing Each Other, Particularly on High-Speed Motorways in Fog”
- “Improvements in the Irrigation of ‘Deserts’ by Snow Piped From Polar Regions for the Purpose of Minimising the Impending World Famine”
In all, Pedrick filed 162 patents in that period. The man himself is a bit of a mystery, but it appears that his principal colleague at “One Man Think Tank Nuclear Fusion Research Laboratories” was a cat. We know this because “Ginger” is credited in Pedrick’s crowning achievement, “Photon Push-Pull Radiation Detector for Use in Chromatically Selective Cat Flap Control and 1000-Megaton Earth-Orbital Peace-Keeping Bomb” (above), submitted shortly before his death in 1976. The sensor would distinguish Ginger from the black cat next door — and also detect a nuclear attack and launch a reprisal from orbit.
It’s not clear whether Pedrick actually built one. Let’s hope not.
Flash Flood
Write the word RAVINE and advance each letter 13 places through the alphabet, and you’ll get RAVINE spelled backward:
Asking Directions
From Henry Dudeney:
Imagine a man going to the North Pole. The points of the compass are, as everyone knows:
He reaches the Pole and, having passed over it, must turn about to look North. East is now on his left-hand side, West on his right-hand side, and the points of the compass therefore
… which is absurd. What is the explanation?
In a Word
jeofail
n. a lawyer’s mistake