“Chess of the Future”

In an 1890 cable match with Mikhail Chigorin, Wilhelm Steinitz played a Two Knights’ Defense in which his king knight found its way from g1 to f3, g5, h3, and g1 again in the first 13 moves. Beside himself, Siegbert Tarrasch wrote this satirical account of a game played 30 years hence, in 1920:

tarrasch satire 1

1. Nf3

Introduced by Zukertort, in honour of whom the opening is named. But as the latter never hit upon the correct continuation, it is better known at the present as the Four Knights’ game.

1. … Nf6

Zukertort’s opponents used to play 1. … d5, showing but a superficial knowledge of the true science of chess by moving Pawns which they could not retract. The text move is the only correct one.

2. Nc3

An excellent move, demonstrating powers of deep strategy. A novice might be tempted to play 2. d4 instead of the text. It cannot, however, be sufficiently impressed upon the mind of the student that a Pawn when once moved cannot be retracted, and that it forms a target for attack from the adversary’s pieces.

2. … Nc6

The second player also displays great generalship.

3. Ng1

A masterly conception! Threatening to obtain considerable advantage by also retiring the other Knight, and thereby preventing his pieces from being molested by hostile pawns for a long time.

3. … Ng8

Perceiving the danger at the right moment, this manoeuvre leads to at least an even position.

4. Nb1! Nb8!!

tarrasch satire 1

The spectator sees — doubtless with admiration — two masters of the highest rank thoroughly acquainted with all the most subtle points connected with the game of chess. Both sides are guarding against creating weak spots by pushing Pawns rashly. In former days experts used to move these Pawns for the purpose of developing pieces. But as early as the end of the last century it became more and more obvious that this is a mistake, for if once moved they may be attacked by hostile pieces, and even captured if not properly taken care of.

5. Nh3

An ingenious attempt to gain an advantage in another way. That the Knights are better placed here than in the centre of the board where they command too many squares was equally well known at the end of the last century.

5. … Na6!!
6. Na3!!! Nh6!!!!

It would be difficult to imagine play on either side more precise or more accurate and entirely in accordance with the accepted rules laid down by the masters of the present day.

7. Ng1 Ng8

Both of these moves were originated by the greatest master of the last century, who played them in a celebrated correspondence match. He was the only chess-player of his time who had penetrated so deeply into the theory of the game. He was considered the father of modern chess.

8. Nb1

tarrasch satire 2

At this stage Black offered a draw. White has a momentary advantage in having a piece less developed than his opponent. But this, perhaps, is not sufficient to win. The draw was therefore agreed upon.

(Via the British Chess Magazine, March 1891.)

A Late Edit

The screenplay for the 1962 war film The Longest Day was composed by an international team of writers to reflect the various nationalities that appear in the film. James Jones, who handled the Americans, had finished his work and was vacationing in Yugoslavia when producer Darryl Zanuck sent an urgent wire asking him to correct a small piece of late dialogue. “How much for it?” Jones asked. Zanuck answered “Fifteen thousand dollars.” Jones wrote, “Okay, shoot.”

The line, which had been written by an Englishman, was “I can’t eat that bloody old box of tunny fish.”

Jones changed this to “I can’t stand this damned old tuna fish.”

In The Literary Life and Other Curiosities, Robert Hendrickson calls this the highest word rate ever paid to a professional author. “The chore of deleting two words and changing four words came to $2,500 a word.”

Credential Envy

In June 1936, when the University of Wisconsin bestowed an honorary doctorate of letters on actress Katharine Cornell, she received a telegram from Noël Coward:

DARLING DARLING DOCTOR KITTY,
THOUGH QUITE REASONABLY PRETTY
THOUGH UNDOUBTEDLY A STAR, DEAR
PLEASE REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE, DEAR.
WHY, IN LIEU OF ALL YOUR BETTERS,
SHOULD YOU HAVE DISTINGUISHED LETTERS?
THIS COMES FROM THE JEALOUS SOEL
OF YOUR SOMEDAY DOCTOR NOËL.

In a Word

tesserarian
adj. pertaining to play

aspernate
v. to scorn

absit
n. a student’s temporary leave of absence

denegate
v. to deny or refuse

In 1873, when the University of Michigan challenged Cornell to the new game of football, Cornell president Andrew D. White declined. He said, “I will not permit thirty men to travel four hundred miles to agitate a bag of wind.”

Inspiration

From the diary of Richard Burton, Oct. 16, 1968:

Stanley Donen told me a funny one about Osgood Perkins. It seems that Perkins was in a long-running melodrama in which he had to kill a character in the last act with a letter opener, stiletto type. One day the props man forgot to put the knife on the table and there was no other instrument around. So instead of throttling his murderee as anybody in his right senses would have done he kicked him smartly up his arse, the fellow fell down and feigned death, and Perkins raked the house with his eyes and said: ‘Fortunately the toe of my boot was poisoned.’

Same Thing

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:October_sky_poster.jpg

In 1998, as aerospace engineer Homer Hickam’s memoir Rocket Boys was being adapted for the screen, Universal Studios’ research warned that women over 30 would not see a movie with that title.

So the name was changed to October Sky — the same 10 letters in a different order.

Points of Pride

She’s the girl that makes the thing that drills the hole that holds the spring
That drives the rod that turns the knob that works the thingumebob,
And it’s the girl that makes the thing that holds that oil that oils the ring
That works the thingumebob THAT’S GOING TO WIN THE WAR!

Popular song of 1942

“I’ve Danced With a Man, Who’s Danced With a Girl, Who’s Danced With the Prince of Wales”

Popular song of 1927

Dr. Polycarp was, as you all know, an unusually sallow bimetallist. ‘There,’ people of wide experience would say, ‘There goes the sallowest bimetallist in Cheshire.’

— G.K. Chesterton, The Napoleon of Notting Hill, 1904

Close Enough

In 1977 Jay Ames found he could approximate nursery rhymes using the names in the Toronto telephone directory:

Barr Barre Black Shipp
Haff Yew Anney Wool
Yetts Herr, Yetts Herr
Three Baggs Voll
Wan Farr Durr Master
Won Forder Dame
An Wun Varder Littleboys
Watt Lief Sinne Allain.

In 1963 the TV show I’ve Got A Secret searched the phone books of New York City to find residents whose names, in order, approximated the lyrics to “In the Good Old Summertime”:

Late Word

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Jim_Croce_publicity_portrait_ABC_Records_(cropped).jpg

A week after songwriter Jim Croce died in a plane crash in 1973, his wife, Ingrid Jacobson, received this letter:

Dear Ing,

I know I haven’t been very nice to you for some time, but I thought it might be of some comfort, Sweet Thing, to understand that you haven’t been the only recipient of JC’s manipulations. But since you can’t hear me and can’t see me, I can’t bullshit, using my sneaky logic and facial movements. I have to write it all down instead, which is lots more permanent. So it can be re-read instead of re-membered, so, it’s really right on the line.

I know that you see me for who I am, or should I say, as who I are. ‘Cause I’ve been lots of people. If Medusa had personalities or attitudes instead of snakes for her features, her name would have been Jim Croce. But that’s unfair to you and it’s also unhealthy for me. And I now want to be the oldest man around, a man with a face full of wrinkles and lots of wisdom.

So this is a birth note, Baby. And when I get back everything will be different. We’re gonna have a life together, Ing, I promise. I’m gonna concentrate on my health. I’m gonna become a public hermit. I’m gonna get my Master’s Degree. I’m gonna write short stories and movie scripts. Who knows, I might even get a tan.
Give a kiss to my little man and tell him Daddy loves him.

Remember, it’s the first sixty years that count and I’ve got 30 to go.
I Love you,
Jim

(From Ingrid’s 2012 memoir, I Got a Name: The Jim Croce Story.)

Retro Cinema

The 1984 action comedy Top Secret! contains an odd sequence set in a Swedish bookstore. Val Kilmer, Lucy Gutteridge, and Peter Cushing acted the entire scene backward, and the filmmakers then reversed this performance to produce a dreamlike atmosphere in which impossible things happen.

The scene required 17 takes and four dogs, co-director Jim Abrahams told ScreenCrush. “Each dog stopped being hungry.”