The wife of a Russian soldier received this letter, handwritten in cursive, during World War I:

My Dear and Beloved Wife!

I am sending you, my dear, a little note about myself from far away. I am, thank God, alive and well and feel good about myself. Write me about your health and the health of our dear children. If only you knew, how my heart longs for you and the children, if only I could hold you to my chest and kiss you from the bottom of my heart.

I ask you, my darling spouse, write me even more often. I live by your letters alone. As soon as I receive communication from you, I read it through and through several times, and it’s as if I see you and the children, as if I am right next to you.

Every day I pray to our Good Lord above for you and for our children, and I ask Him, so that He, the Merciful, would let us meet again. And I believe, that happy day is not far off. Or, my dearest one, do not despair but instead as soon as you receive my letter, write me back about everything in great detail, for I eagerly await your note. I rely on the Lord, Our God, that I will find you and the dear children in good health and happiness.

I am sending heartfelt greetings to all our friends and family. Let them not forget me, for I shall not forget them.

I remain your loving and faithful husband.

“What is unique about the letter is that the government, not the soldier, authored it,” writes Andrew Carroll in Behind the Lines (2005). “Recognizing the importance of mail to bolster spirits on the home front as well as the battlefield, the Russian government provided these prewritten letters, which soldiers could simply fold up and send to the designated recipient.”

In order to hide it from Japanese bombers during World War II, Lockheed covered its entire Burbank, Calif., manufacturing plant with a camouflage net of chicken wire, poles and cables, feathers, and tar. From the air it looked like another residential section of Burbank, complete with trees, roads, sidewalks, and houses:

“It was an engineering marvel,” reported Gil Cefaratt in his history of the company, “but when it rained, [engineer Richard P.] DeGrey remembers the odor of millions of wet chicken feathers almost made work impossible for a couple of days.”

Queen Elizabeth acceded up a tree. When her father, George VI, died in 1952, the princess was staying at the Treetops Hotel in Kenya, essentially an enormous treehouse built into a fig in the Aberdare National Park. While she returned quickly to Britain, hunter Jim Corbett wrote in the visitors’ logbook:

“For the first time in the history of the world, a young girl climbed into a tree one day a Princess and after having what she described as her most thrilling experience she climbed down from the tree next day a Queen — God bless her.”

English history as reported by American schoolchildren in 1887, from Caroline Bigelow Le Row, English as She Is Taught: Genuine Answers to Examination Questions in Our Public Schools:

• “England was named by the Angels.”
• “The Celts were driven out of England into Whales.”
• “Julius Caesar invaded England 400 years B.C. The English condition was in a rude state.”
• “The Brittains were the Saxons who entered England in 1492 under Julius Caesar.”
• “The Britains conquered Julius Caesar and drove him ignominiously from his dominions.”
• “The Britons founded the Druids. They ust to hold religious services out of doors.”
• “The Druids were supposed to be Roman Catholicks.”
• “The Crusaders were fanatics who fought in tournaments.”
• “The Habeas Corpus Act said that a body whether alive or dead could be produced in court.”
• “Alfred the Great reigned 872 years. He was distinguished for letting some buckwheat cakes burn and the lady scolded him.”
• “Rufus was named William on account of his red hair. He established the curfew fire bell.”
• “William the Conqueror was the first of the Mormons.”
• “Edward the black Prince was famous for founding chivalry.”
• “Chivalry is a fight on horseback between two horsemen in an open plain.”
• “A night errant is a man who goes around in the night in search of adventures.”
• “The Middle Ages come in between antiquity and posterity.”
• “The War of the Roses was between the white and the red.”
• “Henry Eight was famous for being a great widower having lost several wives.”
• “Lady Jane Grey studied Greek and Latin and was beheaded after a few days.”
• “Queen Mary married the Dolphin.”
• “Elizabeth was called the Virgin queen because of her many accomplishments and she had a great many fine dresses.”
• “The unfortunate Charles First was executed and after he was beheaded he held it up exclaiming Behold the head of a trater!”
• “Cromwell was only a parallel with Bonaparte.”
• “Queen Victoria was the 4th son of George Third the Duke of Kent.”
• “John Bright is noted for an incurable disease.”
• “Lord James Gordon Bennett instigated the Gordon Riots.”

Fed up with overzealous censors during World War I, an anonymous soldier devised this preformatted “love letter” for use by British troops:

In the Field.

/ / 1917.

My (dear / dearest / darling),

I can’t write much to-day as I am very (overworked / busy / tired / lazy) and the (CORPS / G.O.C. / G.S.O.I. / A.A. & Q.M.G. / HUN) is exhibiting intense activity.

Things our way are going (quite well / much as usual / pas mal).

(We / The HUNS) put up a bit of a show (last night / yesterday) with (complete / tolerable / -out any) success.

(Our / The Russian / The Italian / The Montenegrin / The Monagasque / The United States / The Brazilian / The Panama / The Bolivian / The French / The Belgian / The Serbian / The Roumanian / The Portuguese / The Japanese / The Cuban / The Chinese) offensive appears to be doing well.

The German offensive is (obviously / apparently / we will hope) a complete failure.

I really begin to think the war will end (this year / next year / some time / never).

The (flies / rations / weather) (is / are) (vile / execrable / much the same).

The _______ is (cheery / weary / languid / sore distrest / at rest).

We are now living in a (chateau / ruined farm / hovel / dugout).

I am (hoping soon to come on / about due for / overdue for / not yet in the running for) leave, which is now (on / off).

I am suffering from a (slight / severe) (______ wound / fright / shell shock). [“Or state disease. If the whole of this sentence is struck out, the writer may be presumed to be well or deceased.”]

(_______ / ______’s wife) has just (sent him / presented him with) _________.

What I should really like is ______________.

Many thanks for your (letter / parcel / good intentions).

How are the (poultry (including cows) / potatoes / children) getting on?

I hope you are (well / better / bearing up / not spending too much money / getting on better with mother).

[Insert here protestations of affection — NOT TO EXCEED TEN WORDS:] __________

Ever [state what ever] ______________

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