Dorothy Parker wrote:
Men seldom make passes
At girls who wear glasses.
Ogden Nash responded:
A girl who is bespectacled
She may not get her nectackled
But safety pins and bassinets
Await the girl who fassinets.
Humor
Obscure Holidays
Obscure holidays:
- Pi Day (March 14, or “3/14”)
- Pi Approximation Day (22 July, or “22/7”)
- No Pants Day (the first Friday in May)
- National Talk In Elevators Day (the last Friday in July)
- National Underwear Day (August 11)
- International Orgy Day (September 3)
- International Talk Like a Pirate Day (September 19)
- Ask a Stupid Question Day (September 28)
- October Fool’s Day (October 1) (the Southern Hemisphere’s version of April Fool’s Day)
- Mole Day (6:02 on 10/23) (ask a chemist)
The first Friday the 13th of the year is “Blame Someone Else Day.”
“An Orthographic Lament”
If an S and an I and an O and a U
With an X at the end spell Su;
And an E and a Y and an E spell I,
Pray what is a speller to do?
Then, if also an S and an I and a G
And an HED spell side,
There’s nothing much left for a speller to do
But to go and commit siouxeyesighed.
— Charles Follen Adams
Limerick
There was a young man of St. Bees
Who was stung in the arm by a wasp.
When they asked, “Does it hurt?”
He replied, “No, it doesn’t;
I’m so glad it wasn’t a hornet.”
— W.S. Gilbert
Misfortunes Never Come Singly
Making toast at the fireside,
Nurse fell in the grate and died;
And, what makes it ten times worse,
All the toast was burned with Nurse.
— Col. D. Streamer
Dead End
Keep Left
Design your own custom road sign at customroadsign.com.
Wear Oven Mitts
“A Man Said to the Universe”
A man said to the universe:
“Sir, I exist!”
“However,” replied the universe,
“The fact has not created in me
“A sense of obligation.”
— Stephen Crane
Rimshot
A man goes to an exotic tropical island for a vacation.
As his boat nears the island, he notices the constant sound of drumming. As he gets off the boat, he asks one of the natives how long it will go on.
The native looks about nervously and says, “Very bad when the drumming stops.”
At the end of the day, the drumming is still going, and it’s starting to get on the man’s nerves. So he asks another native when the drumming will stop.
The native looks as if he’s just been reminded of something very unpleasant. “Very bad when the drumming stops,” he says, and hurries off.
After a couple of days with little sleep, the traveler is finally fed up. He grabs the nearest native, slams him up against a tree, and shouts, “What happens when the drumming stops?!!”
The native says, “Bass solo.”