Q: What is the difference between a rhododendron and a cold apple-dumpling?
A: The one is a rhododendron and the other is a cold apple-dumpling.
— Angelo Lewis, Drawing-Room Amusements, 1879
He adds, “You surely wouldn’t wish for a greater difference than that.”
Dorothy Parker wrote:
Men seldom make passes
At girls who wear glasses.
Ogden Nash responded:
A girl who is bespectacled
She may not get her nectackled
But safety pins and bassinets
Await the girl who fassinets.
Obscure holidays:
The first Friday the 13th of the year is “Blame Someone Else Day.”
If an S and an I and an O and a U
With an X at the end spell Su;
And an E and a Y and an E spell I,
Pray what is a speller to do?
Then, if also an S and an I and a G
And an HED spell side,
There’s nothing much left for a speller to do
But to go and commit siouxeyesighed.
— Charles Follen Adams
There was a young man of St. Bees
Who was stung in the arm by a wasp.
When they asked, “Does it hurt?”
He replied, “No, it doesn’t;
I’m so glad it wasn’t a hornet.”
— W.S. Gilbert
Making toast at the fireside,
Nurse fell in the grate and died;
And, what makes it ten times worse,
All the toast was burned with Nurse.
— Col. D. Streamer
Design your own custom road sign at customroadsign.com.
A man said to the universe:
“Sir, I exist!”
“However,” replied the universe,
“The fact has not created in me
“A sense of obligation.”
— Stephen Crane