piscation
n. fishing

halieutics
n. a treatise on fish or the art of fishing

Two very old stories are worth repeating for their peculiar excellence. A Scotch newspaper, reporting the danger that an express-train had run in consequence of a cow going upon the line, said, ‘As the safest way, the engineer put on full steam, dashed up against the cow, and literally cut her into calves.’ In the earlier half of this century a London paper announced that Sir Robert Peel and a party of fiends were shooting peasants in Ireland.

— William Shepard Walsh, Handy-Book of Literary Curiosities, 1892

If A = 1, B = 2, etc., then:

• DEUX CENT VINGT DEUX = 222
• ZWEIHUNDERTSIEBEN = 207
• ONE FOUR SIX = 146
• TWO OUGHT OUGHT = 200
• TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY-ONE = 251

Discovered by Edward Wolpow and Dmitri Borgmann. See Truthful Numbers.

On Aug. 21, 1974, the London Times announced the reassignment of a Church of England cleric:

Diocese of Salisbury. The Rev J.E.B. Cattell, Vicar of Piddletrenthide with Alton Pancras and Plush, to be priest-in-charge of Buckhorn Weston and Kington Magna.

This drew a flood of responses. Excerpts:

Is there really a parish of Piddletrenthide with Lanton Pancras and Plush? If so, I will have to retire there; it certainly is an improvement on ‘Maidstone.’

It’s in West Dorset and is as delightful as its name implies. We also have Toller Pocorum, Sydling St Nicholas, Whitchurch Canonicorum, and Ryme Intrinseca, to name but four others.

For sheer pleasure to the ear the redeployment of ecclesiastical strength in Yorkshire which appeared in your columns some 14 years ago remains supreme: ‘the Rev G.D. Beaglehole, Vicar of Kexby with Wilberfoss to be Vicar of Bossall with Buttercrambe.’

In 1960 you also announced: ‘The Rev G. Christie, Rector of Roos with Tunstall-in-Holderness, Vicar of Garton with Grimston and Hilston and Rural Dean of South Holderness to be Vicar of Pocklington with Yapham-cum-Meltonby and Owsthorpe with Kilnwick Percy, and Millington with Great Givendale, and Rural Dean of Pocklington.’

We in Hampshire can surely beat them all with our three hearty Wallops — Over, Middle and Nether.

One signpost in Shropshire reads simply: Homer 1, Wigwig 2. How’s that for brevity and wit?

May I on behalf of Scotland offer a brief contribution to this correspondence and draw attention to the tiny but ancient fishing village on the south shore of the Firth of Forth, which proudly bears the name ‘Society’?

The first place listed in Part Two of the 1961 Census Index of Place Names aptly describes the efforts of your readers in this silly correspondence: Labour-in-Vain.

A final letter read, “Sir, as a foreigner, may I say how enjoyable has been your correspondence on this subject, for in my country we do not have such quaint place-names.” It was signed “K.J. Wyatt, Turramurra, Kur-ring-gai, New South Wales.”

ultracrepidarian
adj. one who gives opinions and advice on topics beyond his knowledge

Contrived names of American hair-cutting establishments, from a 1979 survey by Ross Eckler:

• Mane Attraction (Cleveland)
• Shy Locks (Alexandria, Va.)
• Heads You Win (Fort Worth)
• Aisle of Style (Schenectady)
• Clipper Ship (Dallas)
• Hair Corps (Orange County, Calif.)
• Mein Hair (Rockland County, N.Y.)
• Hairpoon (Bronx)
• Planethairium (Miami)
• Hairberdashery (Houston)
• The March Hair (San Francisco)
• Hair Raising Adventure (Westchester County, N.Y.)
• Barbary Coast (Cleveland)
• Crazy Razor (Sacramento)
• Chopping Block (Seattle)
• Cliptomania (Saint Louis)
• Jack the Klipper (Staten Island)
• Curl Harbor (Philadelphia)
• Follicle Follies (Manhattan)
• From Hair to Eternity (Baltimore)
• Hairodynamics (Oakland, Calif.)
• Spiral Haircase (Louisville, Ky.)
• Scissors of Oz (Westchester County, N.Y.)
• Blood, Sweat and Shears (Indianapolis)
• (We) Curl Up and Dye (Indianapolis)

“Cutting Corners (Boston, Providence) sounds like a place to avoid.”