windbroach
n. an inferior fiddler
Language
Numerical Pangrams
A pangram is a sentence that uses each letter of the alphabet exactly once:
CWM FJORD BANK GLYPHS VEXT QUIZ.
“Carved symbols in a mountain hollow and on the bank of a fjord irritated an eccentric person.” They’re a bit awkward in English, so here’s the same idea using numbers. Each of these (valid) equations uses the digits 1-9 exactly once:
42 × 138 = 5796
27 × 198 = 5346
39 × 186 = 7254
48 × 159 = 7632
28 × 157 = 4396
4 × 1738 = 6952
4 × 1963 = 7852
Even better: The numbers 3 and 51249876, between them, use all 9 digits — and so does their product, 153749628.
Fenetix
A “sonic alphabet” composed by Harry Mathews:
Hay, be seedy! He-effigy, hate-shy jaky yellow man, O peek! You are rusty, you’ve edible, you ex-wise he!
Read it aloud. In 1886, J.H. Lundgren composed this sentence for Notes and Queries:
Oh Ellen, pea jay, ivy effigy, double you are! empty essay! why? you see age decay; be excused!
“It will be observed that the actual sounds (names) of the twenty-six letters of the alphabet are here represented by the several syllables of the eighteen words employed, and with the exception of ‘age’ for H, almost correctly. A perfectly faultless rendering may perhaps not be attainable.”
All Aboard
What’s odd about this sonnet, composed in 1936 by David Shulman?
A hard, howling, tossing water scene.
Strong tide was washing hero clean.
“How cold!” Weather stings as in anger.
O Silent night shows war ace danger!
The cold waters swashing on in rage.
Redcoats warn slow his hint engage.
When star general’s action wish’d “Go!”
He saw his ragged continentals row.
Ah, he stands – sailor crew went going.
And so this general watches rowing.
He hastens – winter again grows cold.
A wet crew gain Hessian stronghold.
George can’t lose war with’s hand in;
He’s astern – so go alight, crew, and win!
Each line is an anagram of WASHINGTON CROSSING THE DELAWARE.
In a Word
diamerdis
n. a man who is covered in feces
Southern Pride
The water tower in Florence, Ky., originally advertised the Florence Mall.
That violated regulations, though, and they had to change it to something …
Rimshot
There was a young lady named Psyche
Who was heard to ejaculate, “Pcryche!”
For, riding her pbych,
She ran over a ptych,
And fell on some rails that were pspyche.
In a Word
nihilarian
n. a person with a meaningless job
What’s in a Name?
In 1882, when Texas governor Big Jim Hogg had a daughter, he decided to name her after an epic Civil War poem that her uncle had written.
Unfortunately, the heroine was called Ima.
“My grandfather Stinson lived 15 miles from Mineola and news traveled slowly,” she wrote later. “When he learned of his granddaughter’s name he came trotting to town as fast as he could to protest but it was too late. The christening had taken place, and Ima I was to remain.”
Contrary to local legends, she did not have a sister named Ura.
So Be It
Eleva, Wisconsin, was supposed to be named New Chicago.
But workers painted the letters ELEVA on a local grain elevator and had to stop there when winter fell.
Travelers assumed that was the name of the village, and now it is.