Anagrams:
- DEBIT CARD = BAD CREDIT
- MOTHER-IN-LAW = WOMAN HITLER
- SLOT MACHINES = CASH LOST IN ‘EM
- DESPERATION = A ROPE ENDS IT
- ASTRONOMER = MOON STARER
- ELECTION RESULTS = LIES — LET’S RECOUNT
And SNOOZE ALARMS = ALAS! NO MORE Z’S.
Language
Unquote
“College isn’t the place to go for ideas.” — Helen Keller
In a Word
growlery
n. a retreat for times of ill humor
Also Abstemiously
The shortest word containing six unique vowels in alphabetical order is facetiously.
Subcontinental has them in reverse order.
In a Word
ultracrepidate
v. to criticize beyond sphere of one’s knowledge
Lexicon Balatronicum
Excerpts from the Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue: A Dictionary of Buckish Slang, University Wit, and Pickpocket Eloquence, by Captain Grose (1811):
- ADMIRAL OF THE NARROW SEAS. One who from drunkenness vomits into the lap of the person sitting opposite to him.
- ANGLING FOR FARTHINGS. Begging out of a prison window with a cap, or box, let down at the end of a long string.
- APPLE DUMPLIN SHOP. A woman’s bosom.
- BACK GAMMON PLAYER. A sodomite.
- DUCK F-CK-R. The man who has the care of the poultry on board a ship of war.
- GREEN GOWN. To give a girl a green gown; to tumble her on the grass.
- HEMPEN WIDOW. One whose husband was hanged.
- HISTORY OF THE FOUR KINGS, or CHILD’S BEST GUIDE TO THE GALLOWS. A pack of cards.
- MANOEUVRING THE APOSTLES. Robbing Peter to pay Paul, i.e. borrowing of one man to pay another.
- PISS PROPHET. A physician who judges of the diseases of his patients solely by the inspection of their urine.
- SON OF PRATTLEMENT. A lawyer.
And a THOROUGH-GOOD-NATURED WENCH is “one who being asked to sit down, will lie down.”
In a Word
mumpsimus
n. a view stubbornly held even when shown to be wrong
Screaming at the Ants
Euphemisms for vomiting:
- Un-eating
- Number three
- Vector-spewing
- Launching lunch
- Jackson Pollock
- Eating backwards
- Parking the tiger
- Making a crustless pizza
- Bringing it up for a vote
- Cooking up a pavement pizza
- Driving the Buick to Europe
- Alan’s psychedelic breakfast
- Yawning for the hearing impaired
- Yodelling to the porcelain megaphone
- Talking to God on the big white telephone
- Paying homage to the Irishman Huey O’Rourke
- Calling Huey (or Ralph) on the commode-a-phone
Also: horking, yakking, yarfing, yorxing. “Grasp the subject,” wrote Cato, “the words will follow.”
In a Word
snobographer
n. one who describes or writes about snobs
The Anagrammy Awards
The Anagrammy Awards is a monthly anagram competition. March winners:
- THE CRIME INVESTIGATOR = HE INTERROGATES VICTIM
- A TRAINED SUSHI CHEF = HE’S A TUNA-FISH DICER
- ASTEROID THREATS = DISASTER TO EARTH
My favorite from the hall of fame — this:
TO BE OR NOT TO BE: THAT IS THE QUESTION; WHETHER ‘TIS NOBLER IN THE MIND TO SUFFER THE SLINGS AND ARROWS OF OUTRAGEOUS FORTUNE
can be rearranged to spell
IN ONE OF THE BARD’S BEST-THOUGHT-OF TRAGEDIES, OUR INSISTENT HERO, HAMLET, QUERIES ON TWO FRONTS ABOUT HOW LIFE TURNS ROTTEN.
Can’t beat that.