Down and Up

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Encyclopedie_volume_5-140.jpg

The Vermin only teaze and pinch
Their Foes superior by an Inch.
So, Nat’ralists observe, a Flea
Hath smaller Fleas that on him prey,
And these have smaller yet to bite ’em,
And so proceed ad infinitum.

— Jonathan Swift

Great fleas have little fleas upon their backs to bite ’em,
And little fleas have lesser fleas, and so ad infinitum.
And the great fleas themselves, in turn, have greater fleas to go on;
While these again have greater still, and greater still, and so on.

— Augustus De Morgan

Limerick

A certified poet from Slough,
Whose methods of rhyming were rough,
Retorted, “I see
That the letters agree
And if that’s not sufficient I’m through.”

— Clifford Witting

“The Impossible Fact”

Palmstroem, old, an aimless rover,
Walking in the wrong direction
At a busy intersection
Is run over.

“How,” he says, his life restoring
And with pluck his death ignoring,
“Can an accident like this
Ever happen? What’s amiss?

“Did the state administration
Fail in motor transportation?
Did police ignore the need
For reducing driving speed?

“Isn’t there a prohibition
Barring motorized transmission
Of the living to the dead?
Was the driver right who sped … ?”

Tightly swathed in dampened tissues
He explores the legal issues,
And it soon is clear as air:
Cars were not permitted there!

And he comes to the conclusion:
His mishap was an illusion,
For, he reasons pointedly,
That which must not, can not be.

— Christian Morgenstern (translated by Max Knight)

Plunges in Dumbness

In his adopted home of Majorca, Robert Graves once encountered a memorable tourist leaflet:

They are hollowed out in the see coast at the municipal terminal of Capdepera, at nine kilometer from the town of Arta in the Island of Mallorca, with a suporizing infinity of graceful colums of 21 meter and by downward, wich prives the spectator of all animacion and plunges in dumbness The way going is very picturesque, serpentine between style mountains, til the arrival at the esplanade of the vallee called ‘The Spider’ There are good enlacements of the railroad with autobuses of excursion, many days of the week, today actually Wednesday and Satturday Since many centuries renown foreing visitors have explored them and wrote their eulogy about, included Nort-American geoglogues

He commemorated it with a poem:

Such subtile filigranity and nobless of construccion
Here fraternise in harmony, that respiracion stops
While all admit their impotence (though autors most formidable)
To sing in words the excellence of Nature’s underprops,
Yet stalactite and stalagmite together with dumb language
Make hymnes to God wich celebrate the strength of water drops

The whole thing is here.

“Hallelujah!”

“Hallelujah!” was the only observation
That escaped Lieutenant-Colonel Mary Jane,
When she tumbled off the platform in the station,
And was cut in little pieces by the train.
Mary Jane, the train is through yer:
Hallelujah, Hallelujah!
We will gather up the fragments that remain.

— A.E. Housman

“His Mother-in-Law”

He stood on his head by the wild seashore,
And danced on his hands a jig;
In all his emotions, as never before,
A wildly hilarious grig.

And why? In that ship just crossing the bay
His mother-in-law had sailed
For a tropical country far away,
Where tigers and fever prevailed.

Oh, now he might hope for a peaceful life
And even be happy yet,
Though owning no end of neuralgic wife,
And up to his collar in debt.

He had borne the old lady through thick and thin,
And she lectured him out of breath;
And now as he looked at the ship she was in
He howled for her violent death.

He watched as the good ship cut the sea,
And bumpishly up-and-downed,
And thought if already she qualmish might be,
He’d consider his happiness crowned.

He watched till beneath the horizon’s edge
The ship was passing from view;
And he sprang to the top of a rocky ledge
And pranced like a kangaroo.

He watched till the vessel became a speck
That was lost in the wandering sea;
And then, at the risk of breaking his neck,
Turned somersaults home to tea.

Walter Parke