Highest-Grossing Films

Highest-grossing films worldwide, to date:

  1. Titanic (1997)
  2. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)
  3. Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (2001)
  4. Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (1999)
  5. The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)
  6. Jurassic Park (1993)
  7. Shrek 2 (2004)
  8. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)
  9. Finding Nemo (2003)
  10. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)

At first that looks like a triumph of modern marketing — all of these films were made in the last 12 years. But here are the top ten when receipts are adjusted for inflation:

  1. Gone With the Wind (1939)
  2. Star Wars (1977)
  3. The Sound of Music (1965)
  4. E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982)
  5. The Ten Commandments (1956)
  6. Titanic (1997)
  7. Jaws (1975)
  8. Doctor Zhivago (1965)
  9. The Exorcist (1973)
  10. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1937)

Titanic has made $1.8 billion worldwide to date, and it’s only number 6 on the all-time list. Gone With the Wind has made $3.8 billion, more than twice as much.

“The Flour City”

Cities with dubious epithets:

  • Eau Claire, Mich.: Cherry Pit Spitting Capital of the World
  • Burlington, Iowa: Loader/Backhoe Capital of the World
  • Sturgis, Mich.: Curtain Rod Capital of the World
  • Beaver, Okla.: Cow Chip Throwing Capital of the World
  • La Crosse, Kan.: Barbed Wire Capital of the World
  • Clearwater, Fla.: Lightning Capital of the World
  • Gallup, N.M.: Drunk Driving Capital of the World

Wichita, Kan., calls itself the “Air Capital of the World.” Touché.

Showoffs

Only nine people have won an Emmy, a Grammy, an Oscar, and a Tony award:

  1. Mel Brooks
  2. John Gielgud
  3. Marvin Hamlisch
  4. Helen Hayes
  5. Audrey Hepburn
  6. Rita Moreno
  7. Mike Nichols
  8. Jonathan Tunick
  9. Richard Rodgers

If you count honorary awards, then Barbra Streisand and Liza Minnelli also qualify. If you count “daytime Emmys,” then so does Whoopi Goldberg.

Densa

Famous members of Mensa:

  • Isaac Asimov, writer
  • Jean Auel, author
  • Scott Adams, cartoonist (Dilbert)
  • Richard Bolles, author of What Color Is Your Parachute?
  • Asia Carrera, adult film star
  • Geena Davis, actress
  • Jodie Foster, actress
  • Mell Lazarus, cartoonist (Miss Peach, Momma)

An alternative society is open to the stupidest 2 percent of the population. It’s called Densa.

Bit Players

Short actors:

  • Sylvester Stallone: 5’7″
  • Tom Cruise: 5’7″
  • Al Pacino: 5’7″
  • Richard Dreyfus: 5’5″
  • Dustin Hoffman: 5’5″
  • Danny DeVito: 5’0″
  • Linda Hunt: 4’9″

Stature doesn’t equal talent. Asked for advice on acting, John Wayne (6’4″) said, “Talk low, talk slow, and don’t talk too much.”

A Player to Be Named Later

Some of the busiest people in show business don’t exist:

  • The name George Spelvin is traditionally used in American theater programs when an actor’s name would otherwise appear twice.
  • In the London theater, Walter Plinge gets the credit when a part has not been cast.
  • On BBC television dramas in the 1970s, David Agnew was credited when contractual reasons prevented a writer’s name from being used.
  • When a Hollywood director no longer wants credit for a film, the name Alan Smithee is used.

That last one is such an open secret — “Smithee” even directed a Whitney Houston video — that the Directors Guild finally abandoned it in favor of random pseudonyms, starting with the 2000 James Spader bomb Supernova, directed by “Thomas Lee” (Walter Hill).

The Shadow Knows

Some secret identities:

  • The Scarlet Pimpernel: Sir Percy Blakeney
  • Zorro: Don Diego De La Vega
  • The Lone Ranger: John Reid
  • The Phantom: Kit Walker
  • Captain Marvel: Billy Batson

It’s been pointed out that Superman pretends to be Clark Kent, but Peter Parker pretends to be Spider-Man. If you have two identities, either one can be “secret.”

Population: One

The U.S. population is growing, but there seems to be plenty of room. These places are occupied by a single person:

  • New Amsterdam, Ind.
  • Hibberts, Maine
  • Lost Springs, Wyo.
  • Monowi, Neb.

The 2000 census says the population of Ervings, N.H., is now zero. “The only taxable property in Erving’s location are telephone poles.”

Fear of Flying

Notable people who have had a fear of flying:

  • Isaac Asimov
  • Doris Day
  • Aretha Franklin
  • Jackie Gleason
  • Kim Jong-Il
  • Stanley Kubrick
  • Loretta Lynn
  • John Madden
  • Matthew Sweet
  • Billy Bob Thornton

Mr. Versatile

Whose resume is this?

  • Received four write-in votes in the mayoral election in Boise, Idaho, 1985
  • Spokesperson, the American Cancer Society’s Great American Smokeout, 1987
  • Received the Presidential Sports Award from the President’s Council on Physical Fitness & Sports, 1992
  • Threw out first pitch at Wrigley Field, 2000
  • Named official ambassador for the Rhode Island State Tourism Board, 2000
  • Likeness rendered as 85-foot hot-air balloon, 2001
  • Rang the opening bell at the New York Stock Exchange, 2002

Answer: Mr. Potato Head.