A man deposited $50 in a savings account, then withdrew it in various sums. When he’d recovered his $50 he was surprised to find $1 left in the account, though it had drawn no interest. When he inquired, the bank produced this ledger:
Unquote
“I’d rather be a failure at something I enjoy than be a success at something I hate.” — George Burns
A CENT TIP = PITTANCE
Anagrams:
THE NUDIST COLONY = NO UNTIDY CLOTHES
A SENTENCE OF DEATH = FACES ONE AT THE END
AN AISLE = IS A LANE
IS PITY LOVE? = POSITIVELY
CIRCUMSTANTIAL EVIDENCE = CAN RUIN A SELECTED VICTIM
CABARET = A BAR, ETC.
THE ENCYCLOPAEDIA BRITANNICA = A DICTIONARY CAN BE ELEPHANTIC
GREYHOUND = HEY, DOG, RUN!
H.M.S. PINAFORE = NAME FOR SHIP
COMMITTEES = COST ME TIME
HEARTHSTONES = HEAT’S THRONES
THE DAWNING = NIGHT WANED
A STRIP-TEASER = ATTIRE SPARSE
Lie Down
The Isle of Dogs. An 18th-century engraving.
Sins of Omission
A Queens College teacher left a note on his classroom door:
PROFESSOR TOBIN WILL NOT MEET HIS CLASSES TODAY.
He later noticed that a student had erased the first letter in CLASSES.
So he erased the second letter as well.
Just Say No
In May 1797, William Maddison, of Sunderland, very much intoxicated, being warned by the bye-standers not to leap off the Quay into a Keel, which he was meditating; he replied with a volley of oaths, that he would go to hell in a flying leap: he instantly jumped off, and his breast having struck against the gunnel, caused his instant death.
— Kirby’s Wonderful and Scientific Museum, 1803
Look Again
Math Notes
2 + 5 + 6 = 13; 132 = 169
1 + 6 + 9 = 16; 162 = 256
Guy Talk
Clement Atlee was using the urinal in the House of Commons one day when Winston Churchill took up a position at the opposite end.
“Feeling standoffish today, are we, Winston?” Atlee asked.
“That’s right,” Churchill said. “Every time you see something big, you want to nationalize it.”
“An Expostulation”
When late I attempted your pity to move
Why seem’d you so deaf to my pray’rs?
Perhaps it was right to dissemble your love
But — Why did you kick me downstairs?
— Isaac Bickerstaffe (1733-1808)