“Book-Larceny”

http://www.sxc.hu/photo/637320

How hard, when those who do not wish
To lend–that’s lose–their books,
Are snared by anglers–folks that fish
With literary hooks;

Who call and take some favorite tome,
But never read it through;
They thus complete their sett at home,
By making one of you.

I, of my Spenser quite bereft,
Last winter sore was shaken;
Of Lamb I’ve but a quarter left,
Nor could I save my Bacon.

They picked my Locke, to me far more
Than Bramah’s patent worth;
And now my losses I deplore,
Without a Home on earth.

Even Glover’s works I cannot put
My frozen hands upon;
Though ever since I lost my Foote,
My Bunyan has been gone.

My life is wasting fast away;
I suffer from these shocks;
And though I’ve fixed a lock on Gray,
There’s gray upon my locks.

They still have made me slight returns,
And thus my grief divide;
For oh! they’ve cured me of my Burns,
And eased my Akenside.

But all I think I shall not say,
Nor let my anger burn;
For as they have not found me Gay,
They have not left me Sterne.

“Sir Walter Scott said that some of his friends were bad accountants, but excellent book-keepers.”

— Charles Carroll Bombaugh, Gleanings for the Curious From the Harvest-Fields of Literature, 1890

Topsy-Turvy

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Verbeek-rocanoe.gif

The great thing about Gustave Verbeek’s comic strips is that when you reach the end of a page, you can invert it to see the story continue.

He created 64 such comics for the New York Herald between 1903 and 1905.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Verbeek-rocanoe.gif

Claudius in Ohio

In 1963, an Indiana construction engineer discovered a small hoard of coins on the bank of the Ohio River. Two of them eventually passed to a Clarksville museum, which identified them as Roman coins from the third century.

No one has explained how they came to be there. The engineer who found them said they’d been grouped as though in a leather pouch which had since disintegrated. But his name, and the rest of the hoard, has been lost.

Unbelievers

Modern atheists:

  • Douglas Adams
  • Woody Allen
  • Isaac Asimov
  • Dave Barry
  • Ricky Gervais
  • Paul Giamatti
  • Nadine Gordimer
  • Katharine Hepburn
  • Billy Joel
  • Ian McEwan
  • Ian McKellen
  • Harold Pinter
  • Kurt Vonnegut

“Atheism,” said George Carlin, “is a non-prophet organization.”

A CENT TIP = PITTANCE

Anagrams:

THE NUDIST COLONY = NO UNTIDY CLOTHES
A SENTENCE OF DEATH = FACES ONE AT THE END
AN AISLE = IS A LANE
IS PITY LOVE? = POSITIVELY
CIRCUMSTANTIAL EVIDENCE = CAN RUIN A SELECTED VICTIM
CABARET = A BAR, ETC.
THE ENCYCLOPAEDIA BRITANNICA = A DICTIONARY CAN BE ELEPHANTIC
GREYHOUND = HEY, DOG, RUN!
H.M.S. PINAFORE = NAME FOR SHIP
COMMITTEES = COST ME TIME
HEARTHSTONES = HEAT’S THRONES
THE DAWNING = NIGHT WANED
A STRIP-TEASER = ATTIRE SPARSE

Sins of Omission

A Queens College teacher left a note on his classroom door:

PROFESSOR TOBIN WILL NOT MEET HIS CLASSES TODAY.

He later noticed that a student had erased the first letter in CLASSES.

So he erased the second letter as well.