“There’s just some people you don’t hit with a pie and that’s all there is to it.” — Buster Keaton
In a Word
Ralph
n. the imp of mischief in a printing house
Sergeant Stubby
John Robert Conroy may have regretted bringing his bull terrier to France in World War I — the dog became the star of his unit. It won:
- 3 Service Stripes
- Yankee Division YD Patch
- French Medal, Battle of Verdun
- 1st Annual American Legion Convention Medal, Minneapolis
- New Haven World War I Veterans Medal
- Republic of France Grande War Medal
- St. Mihiel Campaign Medal
- Purple Heart (retroactive)
- Chateau Thierry Campaign Medal
- 6th Annual American Legion Convention
- Humane Education Society Gold Medal
I’m not making any of that up. “Sergeant Stubby” fought in the trenches for a year and a half, warning of poison gas attacks, finding wounded soldiers, and listening for incoming shells. He met Woodrow Wilson and John Pershing, was wounded several times, and even learned to salute. His remains are on display at the Smithsonian.
Get Bent
An optical illusion.
The parallel lines are straight.
Whole Lotta Love
Led Zeppelin never won a Grammy.
Showoff
In 1996, Göran Kropp rode a bicycle from his home in Sweden to Mount Everest, scaled it alone without oxygen tanks, and cycled back home.
“It is not the mountain we conquer,” wrote Edmund Hillary, “but ourselves.”
The Mokeys Have O Tails
Pago Pago has always been known locally as Pango Pango.
When U.S. Navy officers first wrote to Washington from the island territory, they used a typewriter with a defective “N” key.
Unquote
“He has to retreat into his fanciful world in order to survive. Otherwise, he leads kind of a dull, miserable life. I don’t envy dogs the lives they have to live.” — Charles M. Schulz, on Snoopy
Kneebone Connected to the …
Excerpts from 19th-century students’ physiology exams:
- “Physillogigy is to study about your bones stummick and vertebry.”
- “Occupations which are injurious to health are cabolic acid gas which is impure blood.”
- “We have an upper and lower skin. The lower skin moves all the time and the upper skin moves when we do.”
- “The body is mostly composed of water and about one half is avaricious tissue.”
- “The stomach is a small pear-shaped bone situated in the body.”
- “The gastric juice keeps the bones from creaking.”
- “The Chyle flows up the middle of the backbone and reaches the heart where it meets the oxygen and is purified.”
- “The salivary glands are used to salivate the body.”
- “In the stomach starch is changed to cane sugar and cane sugar to sugar cane.”
- “The olfactory nerve enters the cavity of the orbit and is developed into the special sense of hearing.”
- “The growth of a tooth begins in the back of the mouth and extends to the stomach.”
- “If we were on a railroad track and a train was coming the train would deafen our ears so that we couldn’t see to get off the track.”
— From Mark Twain, “English as She Is Taught: Being Genuine Answers to Examination Questions in Our Public Schools,” 1887
Fire Insurance
In China you can send money to your dead relatives. “Hell banknotes” are burned in a traditional ceremony, after which dead ancestors can use them to bribe the king of hell for a shorter stay.
They’re starting to use credit cards.