What’s in a Name?

Michael Caine’s real name is Maurice Joseph Micklewhite.

He originally took the stage name Michael Scott, but his agent learned that another actor was using it and asked him to choose another one quickly.

Caine was standing in a phone booth in London’s Leicester Square. He looked around, saw The Caine Mutiny playing at the Odeon cinema, and suggested Michael Caine.

He once told an interviewer that if he had looked the other way, he would be known as “Michael One Hundred and One Dalmatians.”

Irish Bulls

Two examples of “Irish bulls,” or ludicrous published statements:

It is in a Belfast paper that may be read the account of a murder, the result of which is described thus: “They fired two shots at him; the first shot killed him, but the second was not fatal.”

Connoisseurs in [Irish] bulls will probably say that this is only a blunder. Perhaps the following will please them better: “A man was run down by a passenger train and killed; he was injured in a similar way a year ago.”

— From Henry B. Wheatley, Literary Blunders: A Chapter in the “History Of Human Error,” 1893

Unquote

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Image: Wikimedia Commons

“Just because swans mate for life, I don’t think it’s that big a deal. First of all, if you’re a swan, you’re probably not going to find a swan that looks much better than the one you’ve got, so why not mate for life?” — Jack Handy

Limerick

There once was a miser named Clarence
Who simonized both of his parents;
“The initial expense,”
He remarked, “is immense,
But it saves on the wearance and tearance.”

— Ogden Nash

Sealand

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Sealand_fortress.jpg

Behold the Principality of Sealand, a self-declared “micronation” on an old sea fort in the North Sea.

Its population is only five, but it has its own government (“Their Royal Highnesses Prince Roy and Princess Joan of Sealand”), constitution, government bureaus, senate, postage stamps, and currency.

And, now, it has an official athlete: In 2003 Darren Blackburn of Oakville, Ontario, Canada, started representing Sealand in local marathons and off-trail races. Presumably short ones.

Punished for Talent

Italian stonemason Alceo Dossena (1878-1937) knew he had a knack for imitating the great sculptors of the past.

What he didn’t know was that his dealers were making a fortune by marketing his creations as originals.

Dossena was already 50 when he recognized some of his own sculptures in “ancient” museum collections. He had got only $200 for each sale. He won a suit against his dealers but died poor in 1937.