“I remember Tallulah [Bankhead] telling of going into a public ladies’ room and discovering there was no toilet tissue. She looked underneath the booth and said to the lady in the next stall, ‘I beg your pardon, do you happen to have any toilet tissue in there?’ The lady said no. So Tallulah said, ‘Well, then, dahling, do you have two fives for a ten?'” — Ethel Merman
Geronimo!
The United States sees 1 parachuting fatality per 80,000 jumps. “There are old jumpers and there are bold jumpers,” says a maxim, “but there are no old, bold jumpers.”
Going Once …
The five most expensive items sold on eBay (as of 2002):
- A Grumman Gulfstream II jet (sold for $4.9 million)
- A 1909 Honus Wagner baseball card ($1.65 million)
- Diamond Lake Resort in western Kentucky ($1.2 million)
- Shoeless Joe Jackson’s “Black Betsy” baseball bat ($577,610)
- A round of golf with Tiger Woods ($425,000)
An anonymous seller from Brazil once offered a decommissioned aircraft carrier. There were no takers.
Heightism
The average Fortune 500 CEO is 6 feet tall — 3 inches taller than the average American man.
Of the 43 U.S. presidents, only five have been more than an inch below average height.
Tsunami
The 2004 tsunami arrives in Thailand. Its total energy equaled about 5 megatons of TNT, more than twice the total explosive energy used in all of World War II, including the two atomic bombs.
Nothing at the North Pole
Geographically extreme McDonald’s franchises:
- Northernmost: Rovaniemi, Finland
- Southernmost: Invercargill, New Zealand
- Easternmost: Gisborne, New Zealand
- Westernmost: Western Samoa
The lowest McDonald’s, 1,299 feet below sea level, is in the Israeli village of Ein Bokek, near the Dead Sea.
Bravo!
Many people consider this the worst poem ever written in the English language — “A Tragedy,” by the Belgian Pre-Raphaelite poet Theophilus Marzials. It was published in 1874, in his collection The Gallery of Pigeons:
Death!
Plop.
The barges down in the river flop.
Flop, plop.
Above, beneath.
From the slimy branches the grey drips drop,
As they scraggle black on the thin grey sky,
Where the black cloud rack-hackles drizzle and fly
To the oozy waters, that lounge and flop
On the black scrag piles, where the loose cords plop,
As the raw wind whines in the thin tree-top.
Plop, plop.
And scudding by
The boatmen call out hoy! and hey!
All is running water and sky,
And my head shrieks — “Stop,”
And my heart shrieks — “Die.”
* * * * *
My thought is running out of my head;
My love is running out of my heart,
My soul runs after, and leaves me as dead,
For my life runs after to catch them — and fled
They all are every one! — and I stand, and start,
At the water that oozes up, plop and plop,
On the barges that flop
And dizzy me dead.
I might reel and drop.
Plop.
Dead.
And the shrill wind whines in the thin tree-top
Flop, plop.
* * * * *
A curse on him.
Ugh! yet I knew — I knew —
If a woman is false can a friend be true?
It was only a lie from beginning to end —
My Devil — My “Friend”
I had trusted the whole of my living to!
Ugh; and I knew!
Ugh!
So what do I care,
And my head is empty as air —
I can do,
I can dare,
(Plop, plop
The barges flop
Drip drop.)
I can dare! I can dare!
And let myself all run away with my head
And stop.
Drop.
Dead.
Plop, flop.
Plop.
Reportedly Marzials once loudly asked a hushed library, “Am I not the darling of the British Museum Reading Room?” The response is not recorded.
“A Man Said to the Universe”
A man said to the universe:
“Sir, I exist!”
“However,” replied the universe,
“The fact has not created in me
“A sense of obligation.”
— Stephen Crane
Bitterroot Blaze
Firefighter John McColgan “just happened to be in the right place at the right time” to take this photo on Aug. 6, 2000, while fighting a 100,000-acre blaze in Montana’s Bitterroot National Forest.
He was standing on a bridge over the East Fork of the Bitterroot River, and shot the photo with a Kodak DC280 digital camera.
The elk were gathering at the river, he says. “They know where to go, where their safe zones are. A lot of wildlife did get driven down there to the river. There were some bighorn sheep there. A small deer was standing right underneath me, under the bridge.”
Boo Again!
The Tower of London is pretty crowded even when it’s empty. Reportedly it’s haunted by the ghosts of the following people:
- Thomas Becket
- King Edward V
- Richard, Duke of York
- Anne Boleyn (headless)
- Lady Jane Grey
- Sir Walter Raleigh
There’s also a troupe of ghosts who re-enact the execution of Margaret Pole, the Eighth Countess of Salisbury, as well as phantom troops and a lady in mourning who has no face. Sounds like a lively time.