Six Stick Shifts Stuck Shut

Dangerous tongue twisters:

I am not the pheasant plucker,
I’m the pheasant plucker’s mate.
I am only plucking pheasants
Because the pheasant plucker’s late.

I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit;
and on the slitted sheet I sit.

I’m not the fig plucker,
Nor the fig pluckers’ son,
But I’ll pluck figs
Till the fig plucker comes.

| Language

Anagrams

Anagrams:

  • DEBIT CARD = BAD CREDIT
  • MOTHER-IN-LAW = WOMAN HITLER
  • SLOT MACHINES = CASH LOST IN ‘EM
  • DESPERATION = A ROPE ENDS IT
  • ASTRONOMER = MOON STARER
  • ELECTION RESULTS = LIES — LET’S RECOUNT

And SNOOZE ALARMS = ALAS! NO MORE Z’S.

| Language

Smile!

Supermodels speak:

  • “They were doing a full back shot of me in a swimsuit and I thought, Oh my God, I have to be so brave. See, every woman hates herself from behind.” — Cindy Crawford
  • “I think, If my butt’s not too big for them to be photographing it, then it shouldn’t be too big for me.” — Christy Turlington
  • “I wish my butt did not go sideways, but I guess I have to face that.” — Christie Brinkley
  • “Everywhere I went, my cleavage followed. But I learned I am not my cleavage.” — Carole Mallory
  • “Because modeling is lucrative, I’m able to save up and be more particular about the acting roles I take.” — Kathy Ireland, star of Alien From L.A. and Danger Island
  • “I haven’t seen the Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame, the Louvre. I haven’t seen anything. I don’t really care.” — Tyra Banks
  • “My husband was just OK looking. I was in labor and I said to him, ‘What if she’s ugly? You’re ugly.'” — Beverly Johnson
  • “I don’t wake up for less than $10,000 a day.” — Linda Evangelista

Evangelista also said, “I can do anything you want me to do so long as I don’t have to speak.”

| Quotations

A Farewell Letter

A farewell letter from kamikaze pilot Masahisa Uemura to his daughter:

Motoko,

You often looked and smiled at my face. You also slept in my arms, and we took baths together. When you grow up and want to know about me, ask your mother and Aunt Kayo.

My photo album has been left for you at home. I gave you the name Motoko, hoping you would be a gentle, tender-hearted, and caring person.

I want to make sure you are happy when you grow up and become a splendid bride, and even though I die without you knowing me, you must never feel sad.

When you grow up and want to meet me, please come to Kudan [a national shrine for fallen soldiers]. And if you pray deeply, surely your father’s face will show itself within your heart. I believe you are happy. Since your birth you started to show a close resemblance to me, and other people would often say that when they saw little Motoko they felt like they were meeting me. Your uncle and aunt will take good care of you with you being their only hope, and your mother will only survive by keeping in mind your happiness throughout your entire lifetime. Even though something happens to me, you must certainly not think of yourself as a child without a father. I am always protecting you. Please be a person who takes loving care of others.

When you grow up and begin to think about me, please read this letter.

Father

He added a postscript: “P.S. In my airplane, I keep as a charm a doll you had as a toy when you were born. So it means Motoko was together with Father. I tell you this because you being here without knowing makes my heart ache.”

| History

Poem

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea,
And love is a thing that can never go wrong,
And I am Marie of Roumania.

— Dorothy Parker

| Humor · Poems