To the Point

In What a Word!, his 1936 examination of English usage, A.P. Herbert takes up a letter written in “officese”:

Madam,
We are in receipt of your favour of the 9th inst. with regard to the estimate required for the removal of your furniture and effects from the above address to Burbleton, and will arrange for a Representative to call to make an inspection on Tuesday next, the 14th inst., before 12 noon, which we trust will be convenient, after which our quotation will at once issue.

He reduces this to:

Madam,
We have your letter of May 9th requesting an estimate for the removal of your furniture and effects to Burbleton, and a man will call to see them next Tuesday forenoon if convenient, after which we will send the estimate without delay.

This shortens the letter from 66 words to 42. Then he cuts it again, to 35 words, or 157 letters against the original 294, a savings of nearly 50 percent:

Madam,
Thank you for your letter of May 9th. A man will call next Tuesday, forenoon, to see your furniture and effects, after which, without delay, we will send our estimate for their removal to Burbleton.

In a large firm, he estimates, cutting “verbose and indolent, obscure, inelegant, and time-devouring monkey-talk” could save a week’s work for two typists.

Elsewhere he considers a memo that reads “Hot-Water Bottles: With reference to the above matter I should like an opportunity of discussing same with you.” The improvement he suggests is “Could we, please, have a talk about Hot-Water Bottles?”

Pithy

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Marc_Antony%27s_Oration_at_Caesar%27s_Funeral_by_George_Edward_Robertson.jpg

Mark Antony’s funeral oration rendered in Scrabble tiles, by Pete Stickland:

COUNTRYMEN, I AM TO BURY, NOT EULOGIZE, CAESAR; IF EVIL LIVES ON, BEQUEATHING INJURY, GOOD OFT EXPIRES: A PALSIED, AWKWARD DEATH!

The tiles can also spell:

QUEASY RADIOMAN WEPT: GOT TO EYE FEROCIOUS BLAZE OF VIVID AERIAL EXPLOSION, CREMATING WILTED HINDENBURG AT LAKEHURST, N.J.

Roll Call

Unusual personal names collected in Oklahoma by onomastician Thomas Pyles in the 1940s:

  • A. Noble Ladd
  • Beverage Porter
  • Bunker Hill
  • Charming Fox
  • Erie Lake
  • France Paris
  • Gunga Dean
  • Harness Upp
  • Harry Baer
  • Ima Goose
  • Jack Frost
  • Johnny Steele Casebeer
  • Liberty Bond
  • Pansy Leafe
  • Pearl Button
  • Rose Bush
  • Safety Reuel First
  • Winter Frost

Ima Foster and Ura Foster, possibly twin sisters, both received master’s degrees in education at the University of Oklahoma in 1943. “It has been suggested to me that most of the bearers of jocular names come of families in which infant baptism is not practiced, inasmuch as (it is to be hoped) few clergymen would consent to make a travesty of the sacrament of baptism by bestowing such names in christening.”

(Thomas Pyles, “Onomastic Individualism in Oklahoma,” American Speech 22:4 [December 1947], 257-264.)

08/15/2024 UPDATE: It appears Safety First became a cardiologist. “My dad gave me this troublesome title. We already had a junior in the family, so dad named me after the popular motto that had just been created.” (Thanks, Charlotte.)

Shorthand

The so-called four-field approach in anthropology divides the discipline into four subfields: archaeology, linguistics, physical anthropology, and cultural anthropology.

Students call these “stones, tones, bones, and thrones.”

Sharp Practice

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Zur_Kunst_sich_zu_rasiren.png

Talking of shaving the other night at Dr. Taylor’s, Dr. Johnson said, ‘Sir, of a thousand shavers, two do not shave so much alike as not to be distinguished.’ I thought this not possible, till he specified so many of the varieties in shaving; — holding the razor more or less perpendicular; — drawing long or short strokes; — beginning at the upper part of the face, or the under; — at the right side or the left side. Indeed, when one considers what variety of sounds can be uttered by the windpipe, in the compass of a very small aperture, we may be convinced how many degrees of difference there may be in the application of a razor.

— James Boswell, Life of Samuel Johnson, 1791

Stature

Image: Wikimedia Commons

Venice’s Museo Correr exhibits a pair of wooden implements whose use isn’t immediately clear — they’re chopines, a type of platform shoe popular in the 15th, 16th, and 17th centuries. Worn under a woman’s skirt they could add up to 20 inches to her height, giving her an impressive eminence but an uncertain gait. Shakespeare mocked the trend in Hamlet’s greeting to a visiting player:

“By’r lady, your ladyship is nearer to heaven than when I saw you last, by the altitude of a chopine.”

08/15/2024 UPDATE: Reader Peter Kidd notes this even more impressive pair, now at the Museo Civico Medievale in Bologna:

Kidd chopines

(Thanks, Peter.)

Cube Route

A centered hexagonal number is a number that can be represented by a hexagonal lattice with a dot in the center, like so:

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Hex_number_37.svg
Image: Wikimedia Commons

Starting at the center, successive hexagons contain 1, 7, 19, and 37 dots. The sequence goes on forever.

The sum of the first n centered hexagonal numbers is n3, and there’s a pretty “proof without words” to show that this is so:

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Visual_proof_centered_hexagonal_numbers_sum.svg
Image: Wikimedia Commons

Instead of regarding each figure as a hexagon, think of it as a perspective view of a cube, looking down along a space diagonal. The first cube here contains a single dot. How many dots must we add to produce the next larger cube? Seven, and from our bird’s-eye perspective this pattern of 7 added dots matches the 7-dot hexagon shown above. The same thing happens when we advance to a 3×3×3 cube: This requires surrounding the 2×2×2 cube with 19 additional dots, and from our imagined vantage point these again take the form of a hexagonal lattice. In the last image our 33 cube must accrete another 37 dots to become a 43 cube … and the pattern continues.

Reflections

Epigrams of poet Ralph Hodgson:

  • Oaths in anguish rank with prayers.
  • The wink was not our best invention.
  • When crises pall, humdrum is sensational.
  • But Woman — in whose image made?
  • A sparrow in a snowstorm with a feather in his bill: that is Faith.
  • Forget the slush, but keep the snow / Of Christmasses of long ago.
  • Anniversary: Familiarity breeds content.
  • Some things have to be believed to be seen.
  • Who shall paraphrase a tear!
  • There’s one thing to be said for sin — it does give conscience exercise.
  • Why not Foremothers?
  • The Golden Rule was called new-fangled, once upon a time.
  • Blessed are the children of a nobody.
  • The handwriting on the wall may be a forgery.

And “The ‘last word’ is only the latest.”

Step by Step

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Rene_Descartes.jpg

“Rules for the direction of the mind,” from an unfinished treatise by René Descartes:

  1. The aim of our studies must be the direction of our mind so that it may form solid and true judgments on whatever matters arise.
  2. We must occupy ourselves only with those objects that our intellectual powers appear competent to know certainly and indubitably.
  3. As regards any subject we propose to investigate, we must inquire not what other people have thought, or what we ourselves conjecture, but what we can clearly and manifestly perceive by intuition or deduce with certainty. For there is no other way of acquiring knowledge.
  4. There is need of a method for finding out the truth.
  5. Method consists entirely in the order and disposition of the objects towards which our mental vision must be directed if we would find out any truth. We shall comply with it exactly if we reduce involved and obscure propositions step by step to those that are simpler, and then starting with the intuitive apprehension of all those that are absolutely simple, attempt to ascend to the knowledge of all others by precisely similar steps.
  6. In order to separate out what is quite simple from what is complex, and to arrange these matters methodically, we ought, in the case of every series in which we have deduced certain facts the one from the other, to notice which fact is simple, and to mark the interval, greater, less, or equal, which separates all the others from this.
  7. If we wish our science to be complete, those matters which promote the end we have in view must one and all be scrutinized by a movement of thought which is continuous and nowhere interrupted; they must also be included in an enumeration which is both adequate and methodical.
  8. If in the matters to be examined we come to a step in the series of which our understanding is not sufficiently well able to have an intuitive cognition, we must stop short there. We must make no attempt to examine what follows; thus we shall spare ourselves superfluous labour.
  9. We ought to give the whole of our attention to the most insignificant and most easily mastered facts, and remain a long time in contemplation of them until we are accustomed to behold the truth clearly and distinctly.
  10. In order that it may acquire sagacity the mind should be exercised in pursuing just those inquiries of which the solution has already been found by others; and it ought to traverse in a systematic way even the most trifling of men’s inventions though those ought to be preferred in which order is explained or implied.
  11. If, after we have recognized intuitively a number of simple truths, we wish to draw any inference from them, it is useful to run them over in a continuous and uninterrupted act of thought, to reflect upon their relations to one another, and to grasp together distinctly a number of these propositions so far as is possible at the same time. For this is a way of making our knowledge much more certain, and of greatly increasing the power of the mind.
  12. Finally we ought to employ all the help of understanding, imagination, sense and memory, first for the purpose of having a distinct intuition of simple propositions; partly also in order to compare the propositions.
  13. If we perfectly understand a problem we must abstract it from every superfluous conception, reduce it to its simplest terms and, by means of an enumeration, divide it up into the smallest possible parts.
  14. The problem should be re-expressed in terms of the real extension of bodies and should be pictured in our imagination entirely by means of bare figures. Thus it will be perceived much more distinctly by our intellect.
  15. It is generally helpful if we draw these figures and display them before our external senses. In this way it will be easier for us to keep our mind alert.
  16. As for things which do not require the immediate attention of the mind, however necessary they may be for the conclusion, it is better to represent them by very concise symbols rather than by complete figures. It will thus be impossible for our memory to go wrong, and our mind will not be distracted by having to retain these while it is taken up with deducing other matters.

He’d planned a further 15 but did not finish the work. These 21 were published posthumously in 1701.