An Irishman, being ask’d if he understood French? Reply’d, Yes, Joy, I understand French perfectly well, provided it’s spoken in Irish.
— The Jester’s Magazine, February 1766
“Impromptu Ball on the Stump of a Sequoia”
In 1853, workmen felled the Mammoth Tree in the North Calaveras Grove of giant sequoias in California’s Gold Country. The stump measured 24 feet wide at its base, and a ring count showed it was 1,244 years old.
James M. Hutchings writes in Scenes of Wonder and Curiosity in California (1862):
“Upon this stump, however incredible it may seem, on the 4th of July, thirty-two persons were engaged in dancing four sets of cotillions at one time, without suffering any inconvenience whatever; and besides these, there were musicians and lookers-on.”
I’ve found three independent accounts of this, but no record of who proposed the dance. The stump’s still there, in what is now Calaveras Big Trees State Park — it’s now known as the Discovery Tree.
Unquote
“Have no respect whatsoever for authority; forget who said it and instead look what he starts with, where he ends up, and ask yourself, ‘Is it reasonable?'” — Richard Feynman’s father
The Hard Way
Karl Bushby is walking to his house in Hull, England. And because he likes a challenge, the 40-year-old ex-paratrooper has started from the most remote point possible: Punta Arenas in southern Chile, whence he set out on Nov. 1, 1998.
The 36,000-mile journey was to take 14 years, putting Bushby back in Hull by 2012. He’s got safely across the Bering Strait, but Russian visa restrictions have slowed him down, and once he reaches Kazakhstan he may pass south into Iran, which will bring its own adventures. Stay tuned.
Hell’s Bells
A Christmas puzzle by J.C.J. Wainwright, from the American Chess Bulletin, December 1917.
White to mate in one move.
Failure Theory
Can God make a stone so big that he can’t lift it?
This seems to cast doubt on God’s omnipotence.
But suppose he can create such a stone but simply hasn’t. Does that solve the difficulty?
The Great War, A to Z
An Austrian Archduke, assaulted and assailed,
Broke Belgium’s barriers, by Britain bewailed,
Causing consternation, confused chaotic crises;
Diffusing destructive, death-dealing devices.
England engaged earnestly, eager every ear,
France fought furiously, forsaking foolish fear,
Great German garrisons grappled Gallic guard,
Hohenzollern Hussars hammered, heavy, hard.
Infantry, Imperial, Indian, Irish, intermingling,
Jackets jaunty, joking, jesting, jostling, jingling.
Kinetic, Kruppised Kaiser, kingdom’s killing knight,
Laid Louvain lamenting, London lacking light,
Mobilizing millions, marvellous mobility,
Numberless nonentities, numerous nobility.
Oligarchies olden opposed olive offering,
Prussia pressed Paris, Polish protection proffering,
Quaint Quebec quickly quartered quotidian quota,
Renascent Russia, resonant, reported regal rota.
Scotch soldiers, sterling, songs stalwart sung,
“Tipperary” thundered through titanic tongue.
United States urging unarmament, unwanted,
Visualized victory vociferously vaunted,
Wilson’s warnings wasted, world war wild,
Xenian Xanthochroi Xantippically X-iled.
Yorkshire’s young yeomen yelling youthfully,
“Zigzag Zeppelins, Zuyder Zee.”
— John R. Edwards
Retail Trouble
A woman visits a jewelry store and buys a ring for $100.
The next day she returns and asks to exchange it for another. She picks out one worth $200, thanks the jeweler and turns to go.
“Wait, miss,” he says. “That’s a $200 ring.”
“Yes,” she says. “I paid you $100 yesterday, and I’ve just given you a ring worth $100.”
And she trips lightly out of the store.
Reporting In
Army slang collected in Mrs. Byrne’s Dictionary of Unusual, Obscure, and Preposterous Words:
- snafu: situation normal, all fucked up
- janfu: joint army and navy fuckup
- susfu: situation unchanged: still fucked up
- fumtu: fucked up more than usual
- tarfu: things are really fucked up
- fubb: fucked up beyond belief
- fubar: fucked up beyond all recognition
- sapfu: surpassing all previous fuckups
George Washington said, “An army of asses led by a lion is better than an army of lions led by an ass.”
The Morning Star Paradox
As it happens, the morning star and the evening star are both Venus–but the solar system might have evolved so that Mercury, for instance, was the brightest star in the morning sky.
Thus the morning star has a property that the evening star does not have: It’s necessarily identical with the morning star.
And if the morning star and the evening star have different properties, then they’re not the same object after all.